Have a go at our next caption-competition picture (above). Entries must reach us by Friday 2 May.

by email to: captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk 

by post (postcards only) to:  

Caption Competition, Church Times, 3rd floor, Invicta House, 108-114 Golden Lane, London EC1Y 0TG

by fax to: 020 7490 7093 
 

WHAT is it about dogs? There were so many entries for the last caption competition that it has taken us all this time to sort through them.

And no ordinary dog, but a Labradoodle, we're told. "A Doodle in church? It sounded like another shaggy dog story," sent in by Yvonne Seagrave, whose own Doodle, Rupert, may soon qualify as a Pets as Therapy dog. Alan Gostelow inserted a similar plug for a charity that trains dogs to help disabled people: "Chad had no scruples about looking around to see if his canine partner was going to be in church that morning."

None of the following has anything to advertise, as far as we know, though there was a certain shamelessness in the entry by Phyll and Wren Hoskyns-Abrahall: "Charlie paid close attention to the smells of Divine chocolate on the Fairtrade stall at the back of the church." "The new vicar didn't seem to quite understand what was meant by church dogma" (George Frost); "It was clear that the churchwardens had completely misunderstood the nature of a terrier" and "Well, Dr Johnson, we've got the dog on his hind legs, but where's the woman preaching?" (both by Diana Jones); "Scruff was watching for the vicar, just in case he decided to use Scruff as the hand puppet for this week's children's talk" (Chris Coupe); and "Who says we should forget what lies behind and strain forward to what lies ahead? I say look back!" (Kathy Kirby).

Predictable, but still funny: "The Church of Dyslexic Agnostics receives proof that Dog exists" (Richard Barnes); "Now do you believe there is a Dog?" (Julia Sheffield); "Breathe on me, breath of Dog" (Carol Jacklin); and "He refused to sing unless they put up his favourite canine song: 'Our Dog is a great big dog'" (Jean de Garis).

In no particular order: "The sermon was thought to be much too dogmatic" (Richard Hough); "The Kennel Club had finally agreed that the Pewdle was a genuine breed" (Peter Potter); "What on earth did they mean by 'the wrong dog collar'?" (John Sullivan); and "It's a dog's life: they tell me I've got to endure 20 more Sundays so Lucy can get a place at St George's Primary" (Claire Wilson).

And there's more: "As Sydney Carter said, 'The breed and the collar and the name won't matter, were you there?'" (Richard Barnes); "As Fido readied himself to give his usual greeting to the Gospel procession, he contemplated again the matter of whether he was a cross breed" (Simon Filsell); "I love Messy Church, butI hate the bath afterwards" (Catherine Webb); and "This is my dog-in-a-manger look" (Norah Carrington).

Yet more: "At least one of the congregation wasn't barking" (Richard Hough); "Did you just say I was not to sing along with the next hymn?" (Barbara Sheppard); "Bonzo had rather hoped that the west end would show more architectural ambition" (Tony Hunt); and "No, darling, just because he is wearing a dog collar in church doesn't mean he is the vicar" (Bill Scott).

And still more: "Please give generously for the new church woof" (Andrew Foster); "Look here, there's no whining allowed during the service, OK?" (Lynda Sebbage); and "The cathedral congregation gathered for the installation of a new residentiary canine" (James Betteridge).

Among our favourites were: "Like all the newly trained, he was firmly schooled in the west-facing position" (Neil Inkley); "I'm sure I heard somebody say this service was going to be a real dog's breakfast" (Bob Torrens); "OK, so we talked the talk. Now let's walk the walk" (Chris Townsend); "Excuse me, ma'am, but do you know if there is a pillar in this church?" (David Nash); and "Normally of a high standard, I'm afraid this caption competition has gone to the dogs" (Marcus Booth).

In a spirit of Easter generosity (or maybe indecision), we have chosen three winners, each of whom receives a gift of Fairtrade chocolate, courtesy of Divine (divinechocolate.com).
 

Margery hadn't been ex­­pecting it, but that day in church she really heard the voice of dog.
George Frost

"I love the music by Bach, but take excep­tion to the Magni­ficat"
Michael Trodden

"I wonder if there are any crumbs under the table?"
Monica Pickering