From the Revd Toddy Hoare
Sir, - The Revd Neil Patterson's article (
Comment, 19 July) deserves a reply, because the Established
Church needs to uphold and promote marriage as one of the
building-blocks of society. Marriage has evolved, but Cranmer laid
a good foundation for its future. Not every prospective bride and
groom may grasp the ins and outs of Bible poetry and theology when
being prepared for their big day, but trying to get them to enter
into seeing how they complete God's creativity in freely joining
what God in Adam and Eve divided does get some discussion
going.
If the bride is on a me-me-me high and interested only in her
procession, then the prognosis is not good. There was a wise old
verger, when I was a curate, who would remark: "It won't last: they
weren't with you." Sadly true, but from then more effort went into
getting them with me.
Nevertheless, Mr Patterson overlooks, with a certain modesty,
the fact that at some weddings the baby is already there and the
big day might include a baptism. Perhaps this is nature's way into
commitment?
Another good reason for the Church to promote marriage is that
other religions, particularly Islam, are wanting when away from
their cultural and home roots. Dazzled by the freedom of indigenous
girls here, and frustrated by a system that keeps their own girls
under lock and key, they have a problem that the recent convictions
in Oxford of a group of girl-exploiters highlights.
Sex is here to stay, but, according to a Women's Hour
programme that I had to listen to with my wife in the car, sex
education is almost entirely lacking, because the parents assume
that their daughter will be off to do it. Ignorance is not bliss;
nor is endless intermarriage of cousins, judging by the
remedial-surgery adverts.
Let the Church promote what is good and healthy, but stop the
Church from invading every bedroom. The Roman Catholic Church still
propounds its nonsense over contraception, which is a bit rich from
a bundle of old bachelors. We should respect people's privacy, but
let there be decent teaching for all about sex. The Prime Minister
may be naïve in saying that marriage is good for all, but if that
is where the young generation is, then the Church must rise to the
occasion.
I do not want to see same-sex marriage, but I have written a
Service of Commitment for same-sex couples which cannot be hijacked
into a wedding, as so often a service of prayer and thanksgiving
for divorcees was.
Each generation interprets life and values as it sees them,
sometimes alongside and sometimes in opposition to the generation
that has reared it. The Church as an institution, with its rules
and regulations, invasion of bedroom privacy, and antiquated laws
that not even its clergy understand, plus the glare of publicity
from abuse and exploitation by clergy themselves, is not attractive
to the young. Romance is not dead, however, and a wedding is a
start along a stimulating spiritual path for many. They, in turn,
will tell others.
TODDY HOARE
Pond Farm House, Holton, Oxford OX33 1PY