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Caption competition

15 February 2013

Having failed to get croquet into the London Olympics, their bid for the Winter Olympics wasn't going too well, either.
Andrew Craig

Apparently, the Inuit don't have any words for croquet. . .
John Dean

THERE was an impressive set of suggestions for our latest caption-competition photo, kindly supplied by ordinands at - well, perhaps best not to say.

In no particular order:"Watching through the window the ladies all agreed that men really are from Mars"(Vicky Lundberg);"So this is what is meant by putting us through the hoops on a team-building exercise"(Sue Chick); and"Some people will do anything for Pimm's"(Clare Griffiths).

Then there were:"Relaxing at General Synod, some members were determined to uphold tradition however much the context had changed"(Caspar Bush);"Competitors for theChurch TimesCroquet Cup are a hardier lot than their cricketing colleagues"(Don Manley);"The DAC took seriously the PCC faculty application to remove the parish church's all-weather croquet lawn"(Andrew Barton); and"Undeterred, the enthusiastic Global Warming Committee went ahead with its first event of the year"(Roger Knight).

Several readers offered a couple of entries:"Do you think we could try darts next time?"and"The game length of the spring match was analogous of progress in the Church of England"(Chris Coupe);"OT News: Moses predicting heavy falls of manna"and"Roquet Science! High-energy collisions at CERN Croquet Club confirm the existence of the God particle"(Richard Barnes); and"Snow Croquet: less violent than ice hockey, but far more vicious"and"This was one ball the ball boy would not be lying on"(Jonnie Parkin).

Those who dislike double entendres might look away at this point:"Unlike women aspiring to be bishops, our balls don't have to go through hoops, though both may get a frosty reception"(Phillip Swindells); and"Grown men bashing each other's balls with big wooden hammers in freezing conditions. Now that's ministerial formation"(Jonnie Parkin). In the same vein, we had:"What was that aphorism about brazen primates?"(Charles Taylor).

Similarly, those who dislike puns:"It's snow good, I can't see the ball"(Richard Hough); and, another from Jonnie Parkin:"Snoquet".Other variations were"It became obvious there had been a misunderstanding when the church wives suggested croquettes as a winter warmer"(Sarah Crozier); and"Some hardy dyslexics join the knitting and crocheting group"(Peter Ball).

Among our favourites were the off-piste suggestions:"The Principal vowed that after the game he would find out who had put the detergent in the college fountain"(Ray Morris);"Despite repeated appeals from the pulpit, only three people turned up that afternoon to hunt for Fr Timothy's lost nose-ring"(Claire Wilson);"Are you sure this where you buried the gifts, Melchior?"(David J. Nash); and"Arthur responded to the challenge: "Whosoever can pull this brush out of the frozen ground - he is the chosen one!"(Francis Ball).

All these were enjoyable, but, as in every extreme sport, somebody has to be the winner. We stretched our supply of un-Lenten choco late, kindly donated by Divine (divinechocolate.com) to two.

Have a go at our next caption-competition picture (below). Entries must reach us by Friday 22 February.

by email  to: captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk

by post (postcards only)  to: Caption Competition Church Times 3rd floor Invicta House 108-114 Golden Lane London EC1Y 0TG

by fax  to: 020 7490 7093

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