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Caption competition

by
12 October 2012

DIOCESE OF ST ALBANS

IT WAS our own fault. Featuring a bear in a caption competition was bound to attract puns. And quite often readers didn't stop at one or two. Two examples came from Dennis Garland: "Just a little farther Ted" and "He's very highly strung". As Don Manley said: "Bear with us as we try to sort out all the Church's hang-ups."

More in this strain: "When Father Ted finally woke up next morning, he felt very hung over" (Gavin Douglas); "I thought the contract for the new lighting specified LEDs" (Richard Barnes); "Should there be hangings, or should the walls be bare? The PCC agreed on a compromise" (Richard Martin); and "I thought we were supposed to bear one another's burdens, not burden one another's bear" (Jim Pye).

There were plenty of other sorts of entry: "While all acknowledged that Rupert was naughty in the toy service, stringing up his teddy was a drastic response from the vicar" (Vicky Lundberg); "Greatest Olympic Moments Re-enacted. No. 23: Boris and the zip-wire" (John Swanson); "Just how it had got a faculty was the real mystery" (Sr Therese OJN); "Uriel didn't resemble his fellow Archangels" (Sonia Falaschi Ray).

Chris Coupe submitted several entries, among them: "The new synodical measures for dissenting PCC members were aptly demonstrated to one and all"; "It was announced that the teddy bear would be left in place until the toddler group paid their room-hire fees"; and "It occurred to onlookers that eventually the stuffing would fall out of the bear, and then he could be offered full church membership."

In no particular order: "That was the last time the engineering department of the regional college would be allowed to hold their celebrations in the cathedral" (Richard Hough); "The rest of the Sunday school refused to try it" (Valerie Budd); and "Pooh sighed. How he loved to tease his traditionalist friend Piglet. But now he sensed that with the one about the woman bishop he had crossed a line" (Caspar Bush); "The all-age service on the theme 'Friend, come up higher', which was illustrated with a borrowed visual aid, ended disastrously when the curate discovered that what goes up doesn't necessarily come down" (Christopher Tookey).

We are sorry to report intergenerational rivalry in the Parkin family. John Parkin suggested: "Because of his poor eyesight, the cross-eyed bear had not seen the huge spider's web." His son, Jonnie, responded with ten submissions, among them: "If you look up to the rood today, you're sure of a big surprise. . ." But, stung by his father's success last time round, he also submitted: "Some people may think that John Parkin is funny, but this is how he treated Jonnie Parkin's soft toys."

We also had: "Admittedly, the churchwarden had wondered why the computer required a new soft-bear installation under the windows" (Jon Glossop); and "First it was the badgers, now it's the turn of the bears" (Richard Strudwick).

There are two winners this week (left), both of whom will receive Fairtrade chocolate, courtesy of Divine (divine chocolate.com).

Have a go at our next caption-competition picture (above). Entries to reach us by Friday 19 October.

by email to: captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk
by post (postcards only) to: 
Caption Competition, Church Times, Invicta House, 3rd Floor, 108-114 Golden Lane, London EC1Y 0TG
by fax to:  020 7490 7093

 

The Sunday-school children now under­stood just why they had to behave
Alison Rollin

The diocesan registrar had misunder­stood the Bishop's instructions to suspend Father Ted
Derek Wellman

@churchtimes

Tue 16 Aug @ 09:51
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