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caption competition

by
02 August 2007

Should I know your name?
Ronald Gordon

THERE ARE some puns on the way, but let’s start with a few random entries to our last caption competition, featuring the Bishop of Wakefield, the Rt Revd Stephen Platten, at a recent service.

THERE ARE some puns on the way, but let’s start with a few random entries to our last caption competition, featuring the Bishop of Wakefield, the Rt Revd Stephen Platten, at a recent service.

The heartless Mary Hawkins suggested: “The choir end-of-term concert concluded with ‘Sheep may safely graze’, after which they tucked heartily into a delicious ram roast.” Afrianne Jones sent: “My barber always does it this way.” John Radford tried a bit of rhyming slang (do they use it in Yorkshire?): “+Stephen Platten: knitting pattern.” And from John Appleby came: “These ones take biofuel without any modification.”

All right, the puns. Anyone referring to “shearing” as in “Shear delight” was disqualified, but the fickle editor has let through: “We mitres well try to make you a new ewe,” from David Munchin; and “The chairman of the Liturgical Commission demonstrates what he means by ‘Transforming Wor-sheep’” from Aidan Platten (no relation, well, not any more).

Perhaps naturally enough, some readers took the sheep’s part. From M. Mitchell: “With that hair cut, he’s cutting my hair?”, and from Vicky Lundberg: “It’s at times like this I wish I was a goat.” Don Manley sent: “Hmm . . . and he told me what fun I’d have re-joining the other ninety-nine;” and from Carol Rowett came: “Oi, careful with those clippers! You’re not a rabbi!

Then, because the photograph featured a bishop, we had what might be called the abuse section: “The Bishop was wool-gathering as usual” (Daphne Foreman); “Warm and woolly — like my sermons” (George Cowley); and “Reports stated that one was woolly and easily led, while the other was a sheep” (Phil Rowett).

But there was one prevailing theme: “The Bishop was finding out rapidly that this new idea of collecting parish share in kind had some drawbacks” (Stephen Disley); “I know the Church is short of money, but a fleecing service is a bit much” (Susan Kirby); “Having chaired the parish-share assessment committee prior to his consecration, the Bishop found that fleecing the flock came naturally to him” (David Wright); “Fleecing his flock was something the Bishop did really well” (John Saxbee); “The Bishop was prepared to be photographed but the diocesan treasurer preferred to remain anonymous” (Richard Martin); and “Now for the parish quotas” (Bill Scott).

Others we liked came from Richard Hough: “Then it dawned on the new bishop that the shepherd part of the job description was meant to be metaphorical”; and from John Williams: “Concern was expressed in Wakefield over the revamp of the Bishop’s Certificate in Pastoral Ministry.”

Two firm runners-up: “Providing the visual aid for a talk about Gideon was proving to be more exhausting than he had at first thought” (Tina Burles); and “Have you been washed in the blood of the lamb?” (Robert Stephen).

But, because it’s summer, we chose two winners. Both will be sent a selection of fairtrade chocolate, kindly donated by Divine (www.divinechocolate.com).

Two firm runners-up: “Providing the visual aid for a talk about Gideon was proving to be more exhausting than he had at first thought” (Tina Burles); and “Have you been washed in the blood of the lamb?” (Robert Stephen).

But, because it’s summer, we chose two winners. Both will be sent a selection of fairtrade chocolate, kindly donated by Divine (www.divinechocolate.com).

Have a go at our next caption competition picture (above).

Send your captions by 17 August by email to:

captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk

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