Have a go at our next caption-competition picture (above).
Entries must reach us by Friday 19 September
by email to:
by post (postcards only) to: Caption
Competition, Church Times, 3rd floor,
Invicta House, 108-114 Golden Lane, London EC1Y 0TG
by fax to: 020 7490 7093
Last week's caption competition can be quickly despatched. There
are "ewe" puns and "baa" puns. That's about it.
A quick run through the former: "Ewe included"
(George Frost); "That means ewe, too"
(Carolyn Leatherland); "Ewe in your small corner. .
." (Richard Barnes); "Don't be sheepish. Come and
join our flock. We'd love to see ewe" (Caroline Doherty);
"All our services are put on ewe-tube" (John
Appleby); and our favourite: "The new minister's Glasgow
accent ('Youse are all welcome') was more widely understood in the
Highlands than expected" (Ian Walter).
As for the latter: "The Revd Barr was prepared to stick
his horns out on this one" (Clare Griffiths); "No
baariers at this church" (Tom Spires); "Or all baa
nuns?" (M. J. Leppard); "Possessing four legs and
horns is no baaaaa to membership in the Church of
Scotland" (Alexander Faludy); and "The Church of
Scotland made an early start with its campaign for Baack to Church
Sunday" (Sue Chick).
We exaggerate a little. There was the parable: "Aye, the
Minister is awa' looking for the ninety and nine"
(Richard Barnes); "One found, ninety-nine still missing"
(John Saxbee); "I'm not the lost sheep: I'm a lawnmower"
(Robert Shooter); and, at last, a reference to the referendum:
"There were 99 who had already voted, but the campaigners
knew how important it was to get every last vote safely gathered
into the ballot box" (Christopher Wain).
On the political front, we had: "The inherent dangers of
Scottish independence were being rammed home" (John
Parkin); "The ram reflected that, whatever the outcome of
the referendum, his future was not going to look any
brighter" (Richard Hough); "They are flocking to
the polling station" (Janet Stockton); and, oh, look,
another of those puns: "Under devolution, I wonder if we
can have our own ewecharist Church" (Kathryn Evans).
We had the long: "As the strains of 'Crimond' faded
away, one member of the flock decided that he didn't want to dwell
in the house of the Lord for ever, and he prepared to leap over the
wall and return to pastures green and quiet waters"
(Glynis Hetherington); and the short: M. Edwards mounted the photo
on a postcard and added a speech bubble: "Except
The cruel: "Please bring your own mint sauce"
(Graeme Hely); and the kind: "Sheep may safely
praise" (Brian Stevenson). The erudite: "My
name's Worthy" (Dennis Garland); and the gloriously
pedantic: "'Hmm! A rather clumsy juxtaposition of Cambria
and Lucida Calligraphy,' observed Wulfnoth McBleat"
We liked "The Revd Agnes Day had her visual aid all
ready for Sunday's sermon on sacrifice" (Glynis
Hetherington); "The ram was politely informed that there
were still separate services for sheep and goats" (Andrew
Barton); and "The Kirk is so woolly these days, the only
thing with Calvin written on it is the minister's
underwear" (Richard Barnes).
Once again, the prize of Fairtrade chocolate is donated by
"Static RAM or Dynamic RAM?" Wilfred asked himself,
as he approached the Church.