Caption competition

by
12 September 2014

Have a go at our next caption-competition picture (above). Entries must reach us by Friday 19 September

by email to: captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk

by post (postcards only) to: Caption Competition, Church Times,   3rd floor, Invicta House, 108-114 Golden Lane, London EC1Y 0TG

by fax to: 020 7490 7093

 

Last week's caption competition can be quickly despatched. There are "ewe" puns and "baa" puns. That's about it.

A quick run through the former: "Ewe included" (George Frost); "That means ewe, too"  (Carolyn Leatherland); "Ewe in your small corner. . ." (Richard Barnes); "Don't be sheepish. Come and join our flock. We'd love to see ewe" (Caroline Doherty); "All our services are put on ewe-tube" (John Appleby); and our fav­ourite: "The new minister's Glasgow accent ('Youse are all welcome') was more widely understood in the High­lands than expected" (Ian Walter).

As for the latter: "The Revd Barr was prepared to stick his horns out on this one" (Clare Griffiths); "No baariers at this church" (Tom Spires); "Or all baa nuns?" (M. J. Leppard); "Possessing four legs and horns is no baaaaa to membership in the Church of Scot­land" (Alexander Faludy); and "The Church of Scotland made an early start with its campaign for Baack to Church Sunday" (Sue Chick).

We exaggerate a little. There was the parable: "Aye, the Minister is awa' look­ing for the ninety and nine" (Richard Barnes); "One found, ninety-nine still missing" (John Saxbee); "I'm not the lost sheep: I'm a lawnmower" (Robert Shooter); and, at last, a reference to the ref­erendum: "There were 99 who had already voted, but the campaigners knew how important it was to get every last vote safely gathered into the ballot box" (Christopher Wain).

On the political front, we had: "The inherent dangers of Scottish indepen­dence were being rammed home" (John Parkin); "The ram reflected that, what­ever the outcome of the referen­dum, his future was not going to look any brighter" (Richard Hough); "They are flocking to the polling station" (Janet Stockton); and, oh, look, another of those puns: "Under devolution, I wonder if we can have our own ewe­charist Church" (Kathryn Evans).

We had the long: "As the strains of 'Crimond' faded away, one member of the flock decided that he didn't want to dwell in the house of the Lord for ever, and he prepared to leap over the wall and return to pastures green and quiet waters" (Glynis Hetherington); and the short: M. Edwards mounted the photo on a postcard and added a speech bubble: "Except goats".

The cruel: "Please bring your own mint sauce" (Graeme Hely); and the kind: "Sheep may safely praise" (Brian Steven­son). The erudite: "My name's Worthy" (Dennis Garland); and the gloriously pedantic: "'Hmm! A rather clumsy juxtaposition of Cambria and Lucida Calligraphy,' observed Wulfnoth McBleat" (Nicholas Varnon).

We liked "The Revd Agnes Day had her visual aid all ready for Sunday's sermon on sacrifice" (Glynis Hethering­ton); "The ram was politely informed that there were still separate services for sheep and goats" (Andrew Barton); and "The Kirk is so woolly these days, the only thing with Calvin written on it is the minister's underwear" (Richard Barnes).

Once again, the prize of Fairtrade chocolate is donated by Divine (divine­chocolate.com).

"Static RAM or Dynamic RAM?" Wil­­­fred asked him­self, as he ap­proach­­­­ed the Church.

Vicky Lundberg

 

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