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THE picture of pews occupied by vegetables, published a fortnight ago, was one of the photos that have attracted the most entries to the Church Times caption competition.
Getting the obvious ones out of the way first, thanks to Jules Sanders for: “The vicar had long suspected that most of the congregation were vegetables”; Rodney Wolfe Coe for: “As soon as he had uttered the remark ‘My congregation are a bunch of vegetables’, Fr Stephen knew that it would return to haunt him”; Derek Wellman: “The vicar had forgotten his glasses, but the congregation looked much the same as usual”; and Richard Hough: “The Vicar was horrified to find that what he really thought of the congregation was no longer a secret.”
In no particular order, we had: “Damp and mould were getting to be a real problem in the church” (Marc Alexander); “The Bishop met the eco-congregation” (Janet Stockton); “Lambeth 2008: the opening meeting” (Tim Lewis); and “Rowan Williams was not surprised to see so many vegetables on the press benches” (Robin Saunders).
Mary Sutton sent: “The sermon was so long that the congregation had started to vegetate” (with an honourable mention to Malcolm Davies, whose entry was almost the same). Cathy Potter submitted: “More attention than usual was paid to the sermon”. Liz Breuilly risked irritating her congregation with: “Thank goodness! I might get a bit more response from this lot”; and Angela Bain suggested: “The members of the congregation were keen to get back to their roots.”
The long shadow of Baroness Thatcher and Spitting Image was cast over the competition. Michael Jackson sent: “When Margaret Thatcher went to a thanksgiving service at Grantham Methodist Church, she was surprised to see all her former Cabinet ministers there”; and from Andrew Law came: “Here are the vegetables, so Baroness Thatcher can’t be far away.”
Pick a vegetable, any vegetable: “Unfortunately, there was a leek in the church heating system” (Audrey Margaret); “Peas be seated” (Lyn Bliss); “The Porvoo Conference, 2004: the Swedes shifted up to make room for the Estonions” (Robin Isherwood). Or fruit: “Did the finance committee report really say that we needed more plums on seats?” (Geoff Tily).
Among our favourites were: “There was a misunderstanding about the allotment of seats” (Neil Inkley); “The Vicar was trying to get the congregation on to five prayers a day” (Clare Falconer); and “Introducing the new hymn books had got the congregation into quite a stew” (Diane Copping).
John Radford’s suggestion — “The Church Times Caption Competition Lenten prizes await distribution” — was very smart, but we would not presume to know the Lenten discipline of our readers. Thus there is Divine fairtrade chocolate (www.divinechocolate.com) on its way to our two winners. |
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